Seriously? I thought this breakup could not get worse. Boy was I wrong. Let me tell ya a little story I call "Trailer Park Hook-up"
So I still have the password to FF's email because he is on my AOL account. He told me a long time ago that he doesn't read it and that I can go in whenever and delete them all. So as I was checking mine last night, I noticed that he had like 300 emails. So I decide to delete them and what so I spy with my crazy stalker eye??? A notification from facebook that he got an email from someone named "TRAILER TRASH" (names have been changed to protect the fugly) So I open it...and it says a little something like this..."You left a mark on my neck! My daughter came over last night and saw it and asked how old I was. Im gunna kill you! LOL" (with WAY MORE spelling and punctuation errors.) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
So IMMEDIATELY I log on and check this chick out... but she is super private. So my friend steps up to the plate and FRIENDS her! And after a few bogus lies...she accepts her. And OH MY! This lady...and I am using that term LIGHTLY... is 44! And... ready... wait for it... is MISSING HER FRONT TOOTH!!!
I know it was probably a late night drunken hook-up----for his sake.. Im crossing my fingers and toes that is all it was! But I started crying my eyes out after I read it. I know that it is over, but I guess this was just a shock. I thought if I wasn't willing to put up with his shit.. no one would. I don't want him back.. but I was hoping no one else did either.
I may have had a few smooches in the past couple of weeks... but I'm sure as shit not leaving hickie's on wrinkled Trailer trash necks AND getting emails about it! I sent him a nasty email. I no longer care what I say to him. he obviously has no idea how much he has hurt me and he obviously does not care. But I am worried about him. Is he never going to grow up? Is this Trailer set his new group of friends???
I am going out today for a few drinks for the Superbowl and I know myself....after a few drinks I am going to want to go to where I know he is and confront him. But WE ARE BROKEN UP. And I need to let that sink in. I hope I will listen to my friends when they tell me that is a BAD IDEA to see him. But maybe I just want to go and give him a new toothbrush for his lady...since I'm guessing she needs it....
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Just Me, Myself and I
So, here I sit. Me, Myself and a GIANT glass of wine... that came from a box...but that is neither here nor there...
So it's been one month since I have seen FF. And as much as I hate to admit it, I kinda miss him. Almost had me thinking that maybe miserable with someone is better than happy alone. But then I realized that's just crazy talk! (well that, and a pep talk from my friend, Tiffany--she might just beat some self esteem into me yet...) I keeo listening to "A little but stronger" by Sarah Evans. She claims that one day I'll turn around, and I'll realize that I haven't cried. That I'm getting stronger. But all I did at one month, was hide in the bathroom at work and cry. Pathetic huh?
I did relapse... I called him last week, at 1am... like a drunken fool. He didn't answer and I woke his parents. he called me the next day and I blamed it on my Iphone. "Damn touchscreen" was my exact defense. He wasn't mad and we talked for about 3 whole minutes. Then I had a missed call at 3:30am from a hotel in Boston. After some detective work, I figured out it was him. I emailed him to find out why he called...and I have not received a response. I guess it really is over this time.
I guess what really hurts...is that he HASN'T EVEN TRIED to call me. To apologize. To fix this! I guess I'm just filled with more self doubt than ever because I must not be worth the effort. I try to imagine that it will get better, put on that happy, sunshiny face for people, for MYSELF. But deep down, you know it's all bullshit. And so do I. I mean, if I'm not even worth it to someone who could give a rats ass about me, then how am I going to be worth it to someone who will actually care?
I used to LOVE my alone time. Curled up on the couch in a comfy blanket, watching what I want and vegging out. Now that I have done that for a month... I kinda miss that fight over the remote, the deciding whats for dinner together, the cuddling. Will I ever have that again? That comfort of just "being" with someone? Seems like such an effort at this point. To try and know someone like I knew him.
Don't fret, my readers.. all 16 of you (yay!) I'm not going back to him. And I'm going to work on me and my non-existing self esteem! I promise. I'm going to blame this momentary lapse in heartache on PMS and boxed wine. I do miss him though. I can not tell a lie. But I'm just going to keep playing that goofy country song over and over until I believe it. Wish me luck.
So it's been one month since I have seen FF. And as much as I hate to admit it, I kinda miss him. Almost had me thinking that maybe miserable with someone is better than happy alone. But then I realized that's just crazy talk! (well that, and a pep talk from my friend, Tiffany--she might just beat some self esteem into me yet...) I keeo listening to "A little but stronger" by Sarah Evans. She claims that one day I'll turn around, and I'll realize that I haven't cried. That I'm getting stronger. But all I did at one month, was hide in the bathroom at work and cry. Pathetic huh?
I did relapse... I called him last week, at 1am... like a drunken fool. He didn't answer and I woke his parents. he called me the next day and I blamed it on my Iphone. "Damn touchscreen" was my exact defense. He wasn't mad and we talked for about 3 whole minutes. Then I had a missed call at 3:30am from a hotel in Boston. After some detective work, I figured out it was him. I emailed him to find out why he called...and I have not received a response. I guess it really is over this time.
I guess what really hurts...is that he HASN'T EVEN TRIED to call me. To apologize. To fix this! I guess I'm just filled with more self doubt than ever because I must not be worth the effort. I try to imagine that it will get better, put on that happy, sunshiny face for people, for MYSELF. But deep down, you know it's all bullshit. And so do I. I mean, if I'm not even worth it to someone who could give a rats ass about me, then how am I going to be worth it to someone who will actually care?
I used to LOVE my alone time. Curled up on the couch in a comfy blanket, watching what I want and vegging out. Now that I have done that for a month... I kinda miss that fight over the remote, the deciding whats for dinner together, the cuddling. Will I ever have that again? That comfort of just "being" with someone? Seems like such an effort at this point. To try and know someone like I knew him.
Don't fret, my readers.. all 16 of you (yay!) I'm not going back to him. And I'm going to work on me and my non-existing self esteem! I promise. I'm going to blame this momentary lapse in heartache on PMS and boxed wine. I do miss him though. I can not tell a lie. But I'm just going to keep playing that goofy country song over and over until I believe it. Wish me luck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)